


Eyes like the ocean

by IzzyMay6363



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Slow Burn, post ACWNR
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-17 02:22:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16965918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IzzyMay6363/pseuds/IzzyMay6363
Summary: He was fully prepared to let the blade slash right through Erwin's throat. But Erwin protects a dream that Levi cannot let die.Levi learns to trust in the world that Erwin Smith envisions, and then in Erwin himself. As the battle for humanity's freedom commences, Levi learns more about the man behind the Wings of Freedom than perhaps anyone has before.





	Eyes like the ocean

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy reading this story!

Rain. The sound of it hammered in his ears alongside the beating of his heart. It blurred his vision, rendered him blind. He was drowning in rain, and then he was drowning in grief, his heart as hollow and empty as her dead eyes. He had no time to close them, shield them from the horror of the battlefield, for rage burned untamed within him, filling the hole in his heart their deaths had carved, his anger so bright and fierce it threatened to dry the rain.

Flesh and knives and all consuming fury. And then the beast fell and crumbled, and with it his purpose for living. 

Loss and despair washed through him and he let the monotonous thunder of the rain numb him. He had nothing. Nothing but sodden clothes and blunt knives and the ability to live.

The sound of hooves blended in with the drum of the rain. He barely registered their arrival until he saw him.

Erwin Smith.

And suddenly he felt emotion again, for he had a purpose now- he would kill this man.

Yet out of Erwin Smith’s mouth came words which allowed him to see the sky once again, so far away and unaffected by the carnage that lay at his feet. Words that widened his world and showed him a possible future, a future with no bounds.

So he let go of his blades and rage and desire to kill and replaced it with hope. Hope that spread through the hole in his heart filled it a little bit. It flickered there and the pain became bearable. By no means was it perfect; damage from a lifetime in the underground cannot be undone- but Erwin Smith had allowed him to function again. Erwin Smith had given him a reason to live.

And so he made a choice. He would follow Erwin until death.

 

***

 

Levi hated the staring. His hair stood on end, muscles tensing in anticipation of a non existent danger- a natural reaction from spending years underground, constantly on edge. It was draining him, having all the soldiers gawk at him, like he was a fucking animal and not a person who had just lost the lives of his dearest friends.

He snarled and whipped his head around, finding it almost amusing to watch as two dozen heads turned sheepishly away from his seat. Cowards, the lot of them. 

He had followed Erwin back into the stifling safety of the walls, heart and mind a confused mess. Erwin gave him space when they arrived back at headquarters, which Levi was fucking thankful for- he wasn’t sure if he could cope with being in the other man’s presence right now. It would have been like falling on a fresh wound- raw, painful. Damaging.

The apprehensive looks had started again, and Levi swallowed the rest of his food (which tasted like Titan shit, although he was sure that was due to the tightness in his chest) and pushed himself out of his chair. He didn’t like the idea of sleeping, and he wasn’t sure if he would be able to anyway, so he wandered aimlessly about the grounds of the headquarters before finally making his way up to the roof.

There were stars.  
***

 

“Levi. Come in.”

Levi did so, shoving the door open and slipping inside. He crossed his arms and leant back against the wall. If danger reared its ugly head, he was prepared to run- as he stood he planned an escape route out of the door, and a second one out of the window if that didn’t work. His fingers twitched, one arm dropping down so his nails tickled the air next to the door handle, and he was ready, ready to run, ready to-

“Levi.”

He looked up towards the speaker, who sat behind a desk swamped with paperwork. Erwin’s face was calm, his eyes were calm, everything about him looked calm and it pissed Levi off. While Levi’s stoic mask served only to hide the buzzing of his mind, Erwin looked as though the calmness in his eyes washed right to his very core.

Levi grunted. “What do you want, Erwin? It’s late and I’m tired.” 

Unsurprisingly, yet still irritating to behold, Erwin remained unaffected by Levi’s foul mouth.

“How are you getting on Levi? Are you settling in okay?”

“Cut the crap, Erwin. I didn’t come all the way here for this.” 

Erwin raised an eyebrow but otherwise said nothing.

Levi growled.“Being ordered around by a bunch of weirdos isn’t my idea of a good time. Is that all?” He allowed his restless hand to finally grasp the door knob.

“Wait, Levi.” Erwin stood up, making his way around the desk and Levi tensed, recoiling further into the door and gripping the handle tighter. Erwin came to a stop about a metre away and sighed. “ We are going on an expedition soon. I’m just asking you to listen to the people in your squad. Trust them.”

Levi stared up at the calmness in Erwin’s eyes. Then his gaze lowered to his hand on the door, tense and shaky and ready to burst into action. Being in this room was to fight every instinct to flee, every urge to escape from the prison of people and orders and walls and titans. 

Looking at Erwin’s face was torture.

“I don’t trust anyone.” He muttered, and finally let his instincts take control, darting out the room.

***

Rain. Unforgiving rain that cut at his face and smothered his body. Rain that drowned. Rain that washed him raw of emotion. Anger that consumed. Grief that raked at his insides. Rain that cried for him.

Erwin.

Levi took a deep breath and swallowed the memory down before it broke him once again.They were setting out on the expedition that Erwin had mentioned in his office a few weeks ago and the image of Erwin on his horse ahead of him, shoulders back and stance proud, reminded Levi of the day Isabel and Farlan died. 

He had watched Erwin then, and decided to follow him. Now, gazing out at the never ending expanse of greenery with the walls behind them, he couldn’t tell if that decision had been a blessing or a curse. There was still a part of him, some feral part of him, that ached to ride off into the distance and never look back. But he stayed. He looked up at Erwin’s back, full of purpose, and stayed.

Erwin was never expressionless when he was out of the walls. His gaze held such determination and focus that it struck a chord inside Levi. He still hadn’t figured out what it was that Erwin was focusing on, but it was as if Erwin was able to see a crack in the prison humanity was held in, and Levi wasn’t going to miss it if Erwin managed to make the walls crumble around them, like releasing lungs from a cage.

“Levi!” One member of his squad yelled from his left. “ Are you listening? Two titans are approaching from the north!”

Levi turned to look, and sure enough there they were, two grotesque hunks of meat clambering and waddling towards them. 

He snarled. “I’ll get them.”

“No. We’re avoiding them. It’s too risky to go after them.”

“I never said you had to. I said I would get them.”

“Levi, it’s pointless!”

Levi gritted his teeth, staring down the squad member. He couldn’t even remember her name, but her eyes were wide, fear flickering behind them. How could he trust someone who looked as though they didn’t even trust themselves to survive?

“Don’t follow me.” He said, and vaulted off of his horse in pursuit of the titans, ignoring the shouts of protest behind him. He flew through the air and allowed instinct and anger to consume him, so painful, yet so comfortingly familiar. It was what he knew. 

***

Once the expedition was over, Hange barrelled up to him, a look of wild anticipation on her face.

“Yo, Levi,” she grinned, “not that this comes as any surprise to you, but Erwin asked to see you in his office.”

Levi scowled. “Okay.”

“You killed both those Titan’s by yourself.” Hange grinned down at him, a maniac glint in her eye. “After Erwin’s done with you, do you mind if I-”

“No way in hell.”

Hange only grinned at his reply, unfazed. Levi supposed that made her both less cowardly but much more annoying. He began to walk away, ignoring her shouts of ‘another time then’. He already felt like a prisoner in the survey corps, he didn’t want to feel like an animal specimen too.

Boots scuffed barren ground as Levi made his way to Erwin’s office. He kept his head down, eyeing the footprints left on the floor and wondering how many of them belonged to the living. Erwin had clearly asked to see Levi to scold him for his recklessness, and Levi wasn’t sure if he could swallow it- it had taken all his strength to calm himself from his dizzying, feral killing spree and force himself back inside the walls. Erwin couldn’t ask for any more.

Conflicted. That was the best way to describe how he felt around Erwin. The desire to run met with the desire to rely on another. The desire to be alone against the desire to let another in. All he understood was that Erwin gave him a purpose, tied him to the ground and to humanity.

Levi reached the office door and, without knocking, let himself inside.

“Erwin.” He said.

Erwin looked up from where he sat, already immersed in piles of paper. Some of the determination from the expedition still lingered behind his eyes, and he had undone the first few buttons of his shirt. By Erwin’s standards, he looked a little more undone and exposed than usual. 

Levi moved from where he stood by the door and allowed himself to approach the desk for once, crossing his arms.

“Levi, I think you probably know what I’m going to say.” Erwin was frowning slightly.

“Look, I killed them, okay?”

“I know, but…” Erwin sighed. “I asked you to listen to the members of your squad.”

Levi leaned forward over the desk. “Erwin. There were only two titans. If anything, I stopped them from fucking dying. Isn’t that what you want?”

“I just told you what I want.”

Levi yearned to hit him, but for once the infuriating calmness behind Erwin’s eyes was gone, replaced by a burning intensity not unlike when Levi had shoved his blade into Erwin’s hand, ready to kill him. So he just stared, stared into Erwin’s eyes in defiance.

Erwin leaned forward a little more, the front of his shirt dipping down and revealing the strength of his torso. “Levi, this isn’t up for debate. You are not only responsible for your own life, but also the lives of others in your squad.” He knitted his eyebrows together. “If you can’t understand that, then you can’t go out of the walls.”

Levi reached out a hand, snatching the collar of Erwin’s shirt and yanking him forward so that their faces were inches apart. His breath blew onto Erwin’s face as he growled. “You’re lucky I didn’t kill you back then. I was manipulated by you. You used them as my weakness. And now you’re fucking using the fact that I decided to follow you to order me around.” Levi released his hold on Erwin’s shirt and turned his face away, unable to meet the intensity of Erwin’s gaze. “Going out there is the only freedom I have.”

A silence enveloped the room. Levi’s heart hammered in his chest- he was angry, fed up of being controlled, but a part of him knew the words Erwin spoke were true. Guilt clamped its hands around his stomach and clenched hard- he had left the people in his squad, just like he had left Isabel and Farlan, and it was his fault, and the rain should have drowned him, but he lived, had another chance, but he left them again, and-

He heard Erwin stand behind him and swung his arm around instinctively, aiming for the taller man’s face. Erwin caught it, lowered it.

“Levi,” he said gently, and the look of sympathy on his face was so disgusting that Levi wanted to rip it off with his free hand. Erwin understood, he knew, he could see straight through him and Levi felt so fucking exposed. “I want you to join my squad. That’s partly why I called you here. I was planning on proposing the matter to Shadis anyway, since he was worried about whether we could trust you. But I believe that you will learn to have faith in others.” Erwin let go of Levi’s arm and sat back down to look at his paperwork. “The titans are the enemy- don’t forget that, Levi.”

Levi gazed down at him, disappointed as the calm look once again entered Erwin’s eyes. He turned to leave, deeming the conversation over, but was stopped by the sound of Erwin calling his name.

Erwin raised his eyes from his desk. “I don’t blame you for what happened today. Everyone has the right to make their own decisions, especially regarding their own survival. And… as you said, you did kill them. It would be rather unjust of me to fault you after you single handedly killed two titans, don’t you think?” Levi could have sworn that there was a mischievous glint residing there.

“A squad is a squad Erwin. Don’t be so sure that just because I join yours I’ll follow orders when they’re shitty.” Levi scoffed. Erwin didn’t reply, but Levi was sure he could see the hint of a smile ghosting Erwin’s lips.

Levi stepped out of the door and closed it gently behind him, wondering whether it would be alright to trust someone, if their name was Erwin Smith.

 

***

When they went out of the walls again, Levi had the image of Erwin's back shoved into his line of sight almost constantly, and he glared at it spitefully, remembering the day he had left Levi surrounded by his dead friends. That jerk had had such a large stick up his ass he had just expected Levi to follow.

Which he did.

Sometimes Levi felt ashamed for being so devoted to Erwin. The word dog often floated at the back of his mind as he obeyed orders- a scrawny, dirty dog from the underground, who could really do with a muzzle, but thankfully had Erwin Smith instead.

Levi lifted his gaze to the sky, breathing in the fresh air. Suddenly it became crystal clear as to why he stayed. Out of the walls, there existed so much.

“Titans, Levi.”

There also existed titans.

Levi whipped his head around to where Erwin was looking, muscles tensing in anticipation. He spotted them quickly- 4 of them, running towards their squad. A couple of them were at least 15 metres tall. He shivered.

“Erwin,” he growled, lifting himself slightly from his horse.

“No, Levi.” Erwin clamped his hand around Levi’s arm. “Just wait.”

Levi, who had been staring desperately after the titans, turned and focused his gaze upon Erwin. There were flames dancing behind his usually ice cold eyes.

Levi sat back down, growling.

“Okay, we’re going to create a diversion. Levi and I will ride closer to the titans to veer them off course. Then I want the rest of the squad to attack from behind. Levi and I will take on the taller two.”

Levi grimaced. Confusing the titans seemed like a plan that relied far too much on luck than on skill. He looked up at Erwin, sceptical.

Erwin was looking at him already, eyes boring into him with steely determination. “Trust me, Levi.” He lifted his head and squared his shoulders. “Lets go!”

 

The wind whipped at Levi’s face, as if telling him to wake up and fight. He and Erwin had managed to veer the Titan’s away from the rest of the squad by riding slightly diagonally off course. But now they were stuck riding at full speed, with 4 titans careening after them, and Levi couldn’t fucking fight.

The rest of the squad had started to charge after the titans as soon as the ugly carcasses had turned their backs on them. Levi watched as Mike (he remembered him from the underground) latched onto one of the smaller titans, gesturing for the others to follow and assist. Just as they all began to vault of their horses, however, one of the 15 metre titans began to turn around.

“Erwin!” Levi cried, desperation seeping into his voice.

Erwin only glanced over at him, and kept riding.

Mike struggled with the smaller titan- it snatched a grotesque hand out and grabbed at his grapple. Levi tensed his legs, fully intending to vault out of his horse and join them, but a firm grip yanked him back down. He whirled around, ready to scream his protests, but was interrupted.

“Wait, Levi!” Erwin’s eyes were wild, hair blowing in the wind, and for a moment Levi was transfixed on him, forgetting his position.

Behind him, A squad member with short blonde hair dived under the titan’s grasp and slit the back of it’s neck open. It fell to the ground, causing the other small titan to stumble. Mike regained his composure quickly and went for it.

But Levi wasn’t focused on that- the 15 metre titan that had turned around had now reached the squad. Only the one 15 metre titan was still following them.

“Erwin,” he said again. “You said we would get the larger ones!”

When he turned to Erwin, eyes wide with suppressed urge to fight, he found Erwin’s own were piercing right into him, flickering with something akin to anticipation.

“Yes,”he said, voice a whisper in the wind, “I did.” 

Once again, Levi held his gaze, watching the way the blue of Erwin’s eyes reflected the vast sky above them.

“Thank you for trusting me, Levi. Now, let’s go!”

*  
Levi made his way back to the rooftop when the expedition reached its completion. The night sky was murky, and he squinted to make out a single star, just visible through a break in the clouds. He gazed up at it until the image was burnt into his mind. Memories of Erwin’s face as Levi slaughtered the 15 metre titan flickered to mind. He tried not to think about the awe in his expression.

He wasn’t sure how long he lay there, looking up at the sky. The sound of feet hitting ground stirred him from his stupor, and he snapped himself upright, arms raised to fight.

“Levi.” It was Erwin. Levi lowered his gaze, unable to look at him.

“Go the fuck away.” He growled.

“It’s cold out here.”

“So? Aren’t you Captain or something? Go take care of your squad. You must have stuff to do.”

Erwin shifted behind him. Levi tensed.

“You may not be pleased with the arrangement, but you are also a part of my squad now, Levi. So I must be a little responsible for you, don’t you think?” Levi could almost hear the smile in Erwin’s voice.

“I’m fine.” He growled, and raised his gaze to the sky again. He heard a soft thump and realised Erwin had sat next to him.

“Thank you for trusting me today.” Erwin began. “I must say I was very impressed with your skills. The Wings of Freedom are an apt symbol for your uniform.”

Levi remained silent, pride stinging at what he considered Erwin’s patronising tone.

Erwin seemed to understand. “I mean that, Levi. I’m not saying that because I want to manipulate you. I’m simply sharing my honest thoughts.”

Silence continued to reign between them. Levi brought his gaze to the one visible star, considering Erwin’s words.

After a while, he spoke again. “Live on for your friends, Levi,” he said, and there was something melancholic in his voice that made Levi finally turn to look at him. “Live on and fight to discover the truth of our world.” Erwin’s eyes had been on the sky but now he turned to face Levi, gaze burning with determination. “You must be aware of how narrow minded the people with power are, Levi. They only want more of what they have: wealth and influence. Humanity are trapped by these walls, not saved by them.”

Erwin leaned forward slightly and Levi held his breath, trapped by the intensity of his gaze. Erwin continued, voice barely a whisper, breath mingling in the space between them. Levi could run, he could bring out the knife in his boot and finish what he started...but he was captivated by the things Erwin could see, and he was not going to let that die. “ Levi… stand by my side, by the survey corps’ side, and fight for the truth of this world. For freedom.” Erwin reached out a hand and placed it over Levi’s heart. “Dedicate your heart…” Erwin breathed.

Levi recoiled ever so slightly, overwhelmed by the proximity. He took a shaky breath, the last of his hesitation crumbling away. “I will follow you,” he muttered.

A smile broke across Erwin’s face. It reached his eyes.“Thank you, Levi.” 

The lonesome star finally succumbed to the darkness, disappearing unnoticed behind the clouds. But Levi’s eyes remained on Erwin as he stood and made his way back into the shelter of the building, shoulder’s steady and head held high, the Wings of Freedom splayed magnificently across his back.


End file.
